[1:32 P.M.] [Monday, May. 27, 2002]
[ you are coming home, just in time for me, to leave]

let me begin with where i left off.

saturday-

i got offline and took a well needed nap. i awoke and ate some well needed food. i had a taco. and a few chips and salsa. that was my meal for the day. i was still quite upset so i wasnt eating properly. i went to work and naturally i didnt hear the end of everything from eric. he knows i deserve better than i settle for. but i dont. he said i was neurotic. the dictionary definition for neurotic is...

1 : one affected with a neurosis

2 : an emotionally unstable individual

derived from the word neurosis meaning...

: a mental and emotional disorder that affects only part of the personality, is accompanied by a less distorted perception of reality than in a psychosis, does not result in disturbance of the use of language, and is accompanied by various physical, physiological, and mental disturbances (as visceral symptoms, anxieties, or phobias)

yea thats scary. because it definitely sounds a little too much like me. so that was odd. i left work receiving a phone call from a previously unnamed number, yet it was familiar. i called it back, it was nicole. ross's party was canceled. great. all intentions of getting drunk bc i was getting depressed were shot. i didnt feel like going home and for once i didnt feel like driving but i did. i went out to the beach, go figure. then talked to jackie. and she wanted me to go out to this southeast party. so i did and i knew three people. i called jenni after i left. i had drank a bit, and it was beginning to hit me. to thankfully i had cruise control and then i went to the wal-mart parking lot to chill for a little bit. we talked and decided to go to nathans. they are gone for a month and she was house sitting. so it was me her and wes. we decided to get in the hot tub. that was nice. wes was leaving and told me my cell was ringing. i figured it was my mum, she hasnt been believeing my lies lately. i told him just to leave it and when i got out of the hot tub i would get it. we talked about a lot. about jeremy mostly. well we got out and i got my phone surprisingly enough it wasnt my mum. i had five missed calls. wasnt i the popular one. the first was from david. the others, from another familiar unsaved number. it was him. i have the chills just writing this right now. i stood in shock. i was breathless. i didn’t say anything except to jenni when i said that it was him. i sank down on the ground by the kitchen cabinets. i didn’t know what to do. i stood up and began punching the counter. then i sank back down so scared and so mad and upset. jenni didn’t know what was going n. she later told me that she was really scared for me. i almost cried. then i got really happy and stood up. it was odd. there were too many emotions going on at once in my head. i decided to listen to his message. hey rhiannon its jeremy. just seeing what you were doing. give me a call when u get the message. so i called him. and we talked. just the usual small talk. when did u get back, how is it treating you. whats been going on, hows cheerleading. the usual. and then he said that before campwe are gunna do something. that shocked me. and then he called back later. i guess i missed at least one call because there was a message on there that i didn’t get til after he called me again and i answered it. he said that he really wanted to see me. it had been so long. had he changed? obviously he hadnt forgotten me. and i had definitely not forgotten him. we decided to meet outside of his fence. there was a gate that i could go through. he would meet me there. i went. and they warned me to be careful. jenni couldn’t believe i was going. i couldn’t either. i knew it was wrong. and i had no doubt that in the end it is just gunna get me hurt, but i can't pass it up. and i am glad that i told marcus no. i arrived at the gate and he made fun of me for going the wrong way. he was eager to get inside, this is the coldest weather he has been in lately. he is in texas, very near mexico. we hurried inside and i took notice to the chattering of his teeth and the shivering of his flesh. he was innocent in the weather. just merely a baby, shivering for warmth. it seemed to be a new light. especially for him. we went into his huse and i noticed that katy’s car was there. im glad i wasn’t at ross’s. i would have made things worse by messing around on marcus with him. and now this jeremy situation was open to me. and me only. at least i hope. well i noticed that his room was clean. that is a rarity. he had his really cool light on. i love that light. its like a tornado lamp. its pretty nifty. he told me that his friends met him at the airport as a welcome home committee. how i would have loved to be there. he showed me the balloons. he lied underneath the covers because he was still freezing. he tried to kick me off the bed like usual. he always does that. i reminded him of the time that i fell on my head. that hurt pretty bad. he then attacked me with the covers and tackled me. it was very cute. he decided to pick me up like u would carry your wife across the threshold. i had my hands around his neck. it was all very cute. and then instead of throwing me, he fell backward and i was lying acrss his chest, just looking at him. we just lied there. enveloped in the moment. at least i was. then he started to tickle me. which resulted in us holding hands. and we lied there. and he kissed me. i kissed him back. i didn’t think about marcus. when jeremy is around, he is all i think about. it doesn’t matter who you are. jeremy just takes over my heart. as if he hadnt already had it. and then anyhow we just remained kissing and my shirt was removed. we laughed as it got hooked on my earring. i decided i wasn’t going to have sex with him, even if he asked me that night. we just fell asleep in each others arms. he wrapped his around my torso. that was so what i needed. what i talked about with having someone to just hold me. and i don't know what will come of it, if anything at all. which is doubtful. but i had him for that night. and i needed that. i needed to know that he still cared. as i got up to leave i thought that he was still sleeping. he wasn’t and asked me if i was even gunna say goodbye. so we sat there kind of srt of holding hands, but not really and then i leaned down and we hugged a great hug. i needed that too. he said that he would call me again. before i left for camp so we could do something. he isnt very good on his promises so i dont know if i should expect him to or not. i left and went back to nathans. i went to bed and awoke the next morning where i had to tell all the details. it doesnt sound as special as it really was. we pretty much were lame all day and lied out quite a bit. that was about it. chelsea and allie came and we all made dinner: hamburgers and home made macoroni and salad and dessert. it was just like we have been living on our own all weekend. too bad i leave soon i will be very distraught. last night we just vegged out on the couch. he didnt call last night. go figure. even if that was the last i heard from him, till next time, i am glad that it happened. i am really glad. today i went hme and cleaned out my car. i need to finish wahsing it but it began to rain. i need to go do that now. we have our year book dinner tonight at the beach house restaurant. i am excited bc i need to talk to corinne but erin will be there. and at the party when i told chelsea i said no to marcus... erin was sitting right there and chelsea respnded this isnt because of jeremy is it. great. because i know she heard. her expression was too lame to not have. well i will write as soon as i get home frm work tonight. i am staying again at nathans, which is conveinantly located next door to jeremy. i haev to work all day tomorrow and then i leave for camp weds morning. i am def. sneaking my phone in. i cant leave without it. well i will write i promise. everyone keep your fingers crossed.

*rhiannon*

p.s.- ironically this was my horscope for yesterday...

Greetings Rhiannon --

Here is your horoscope for Sunday, May 26

You're too eager or too early. Virgo may endanger their chances by deciding without sufficient information. Remember your responsibilities as you chase your desires.

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