[3:34 a.m.] [07.17.02]
[hes not just a guy, hes a syndrome, Part II]

so that was really wierd.

josh and i talked about alot of things, for the past three and a half hours. but it was good, strangly good. friends is def better bc i can talk to him. i told him about jeremy. that was about an hour and a half right there. he knows it all between us, from last june even. and he likes amanda. im glad. she thought i would be mad, and we kinda got a bond out of it. josh and i started talking about how things happen for a reason. and this is a prime example. he went through me and got amanda. so many things happen and so many things happen because of them. this is really great closure. so now there is just jeremy. but there is never just jeremy. so i am kinda awaiting the fallout. but i dont know what to await. this was wierd talking to josh about, but i realized alot. about me and love and jeremy. and i know that if he says it, that i might freak, or say it, or who knows. i know im scared to say it bc of what it entails. i dont even know if thats how he means it. i know that he wants to talk to me though. he gave me the incentive to get his address only when i call. and that he kept saying he couldnt wait to hear from me. so i know he wants to talk to me. so i need to take it at that. that as a friend he wants to talk to me. that he wants to hear from home. thats about it. i just gotta talk to him and form other opinions and figure out what is going through not only his mind but my own too. its just gunna be realy wierd. i pretty much told josh that i love jeremy. i have said that before to anyone. and i told him. that is wierd. i am so afraid he will not mean it that way. and then i am screwed. oh well. i need to get going, but i am very glad that i got to talk to josh about everything from randall to jeremy to amanda to decisions to eric and what i am scared of. i really gotta go now tho. i will update as soon as i talk to him. that scares me. that the nect entry wont be until we talk. its comeing that soon. hes in my head, infiltrating my thoughts. i must go. its so late. and i have to work, and a lot to look forward to tomorrow. im head honcho at work now. that will limit my break. eeka.

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