[7:17 p.m.] [04.24.03]
[i insist on pages of your lines]

ringing through the sound of the stereo, and i awakend with that disillusioned sense you have when you just come from sleep. i stand up, turned off the radio and grabbed the phone. 412 was the area code...

secretly i knew it was him. maybe it was subconcious. maybe i didnt admit to it incase i was wrong. but i had a feeling. a feeling i havent felt since the last time i had been awakened late by a phone call from an unknown number.

and naturally i answered it with that half confused, half still sleeping tone in my voice.

"hey. Rhiannon?"

"hey... who is this...?"

"guess."

"um... i dunno.. who?"

"jeremy"

"Oh my god hey!"

"hey i didnt wake you up did i? im sorry"

"oh no its okay. im so glad you called." ...

"so what are you doing after graduation?"

"staying at MCC.. haha..."

"hey, i went there. its a good school..."

"oh i know, i was just planning on going to NY, but that fell through."

"well thats good tho. at least now i know you wont be away at college and i can see you when i get to come home, in a year."

"wow. your over there for a year?"

"yeah..its just gunna be for peacekeeping reasons and stuff"

but he knows hes lucky that its now and not before. he doesnt really like it. and on the weekend he just goes to bars and chills. but he wouldnt tell me that if there was incriminating facts behind it. you steer clear of anything that relates to it, unless you want people to find out. and he is not the type of person to tell you something unless you ask. so i think thats safe.

"ive been meaning to call you. ive just been so busy. (dashboard lyric and his words quoted/paraphrased) and i lost your number so many times. im sorry i didnt call sooner. but this time i wrote it down. and i put it in my wallet. ill never lose it, because i never lose my wallet."

he sounded so sincere. so much like he wasnt hiding a thing. his emotions were almost on his sleeve. he admitted it was scary. and he knows how lucky he is that he wasnt there before. and he said something about it being sad when he talked to his family on easter. and he said he wanted to see me when he got back. and that is a year away. you dont just tell someone that you want to see them a year from now. thats like me telling josh that i want to see him next summer if he comes home from nc to see his family. or him telling me that. and that wont happen. i wont see him again after graduation, i am almost certain. thats sad i know. but thats life. people come, and people go. anyways.

"alrighty, well go back to bed. I'll call you again later this week."

"alright , it was great to talk to you."

"you too, bubye"

and then there was a hesitation before we hung up. as if we each were waiting to hear if the other was going to say something. it seemed almost to the point of middle school love, where you have to say ten times each, "no you hang up first!!" but with out saying it. i was incredibly happy he had called. and just as sad that he was going to be gone, for a year. a year. as in, when i am done with my freshman year in college. and to me, that seems like forever. but i remember saying last year: only one year left. i used only in the context and to hear myself now saying, "only thirty days til graduation" i realize that time passes more quickly than we imagine. so life will go on, and i will have no worries. and i will see him again, even if it is only a year away. i am comforted by knowing that he i looking forward to being able to see me in a year. and how opptimistic was he to say, at least ill be able to see you in a year when i get back. i dunno, i guess i am reading into it a little much. but such is life. and so am i. my diet is going well. for the most part. today i had a krispy cream :( and broke down and had a soda. i was really caving one. and i figured that i had been doing really well and not eaten much bread at all, or sweets, and no fried or fast food. so i thought that it would be my guilty pleasure.

grad night is tomorrow. and i am not really looking forward to it. i paid 98 bucks to go, so i need to be, but oh well. i tied on what i am wearing. i really like it, so at least that is good. in fact, im just gunna wear the shirt all day tomorrow.. so that shows even that i really dont care.. no worries. i just care to see if he calls. he said later this week. that could be tonight. or tomorrow, or even sat or sunday night. but any way, tonight is here. if he calls, then he does. if not, tomorrow will be here soon, and tomorrow night will connect with saturday just as quick. so if he calls tomorrow night, then it will be fast then. if its not til saturday, then i will be busy enough til then anyways. and if he calls sunday then i will just be getting off work and headed into prom week. so these next few days are busy enough to keep me going on til the next day. and if he doesnt call sunday, then i have again been decieved and dont need to count on it. well i gotta go. have a peaceful night

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