[1:01 p.m.] [06.04.03]
[sorry i cant be perfect]

things are rough right now. incredibly rough. and i just cant do a damn thing about it. ive prayed and ive cried and ive tried to right other peoples wrongs. but nothing is worth it anymore. ive done my part and not to mention mostly part of yours.

lindsay hates me. she hates me for not sticking up for her. but when i was lied to, yelled at, and dragged to the middle of the situation, i didnt feel obligated to do so. i felt that she was in the wrong to knowingly try and meet up with someone she had intrest in while throwing a tantrun to her boyfriend because he didnt want her to go.

so last night she finally tried to talk to me, and that was unsuccessfl, and now jenni is iming me, on her side. go fucking figure. i honestly am so over this. it everyone against me. so i obviously fucked up. im sorry i didnt stand for something i didnt believe in. something as trivial as this is going to come between me and my three best friends. i cant eat, i cant sleep, i cant think, and i cant hold back tears. all bc i didnt stick up for what i didnt believe in. and she doesnt think she did anything wrong. josh is the only one rght now that i can talk to, and he is the only reason that ihave smiled in the past 24 hours. at least he cares. and i know he does. and if our standards are obviously that different, then whats the use in trying to patch the friendship. why am i going to MCC? why am i staying around her. why did i join the gym for 2 1/2 years. im stuck in this town with people taht hate me. people that even lindsay said talk shit about me all the time. obviously im a rotten person and i dont deserve her friendship. she even told me that she doesnt believe that i am greatful for her friendship. im sick of dealing with this. she thinks shes the only one hurting. she intentionally hurt my feelings last night with all the things she said out of spite. she knew what she was doing and the effect that it would have on me. i had no clue that i "wasnt acting like a friend and consoling her when they broke up" im sorry, she didnt even seem upset. i just wanted to get out of the situation. whatever. its all over. and im not trying anymore. i apologized for everything i have ever done, and it still didnt matter. she didnt once say she was sorry. oh well. somethings are better left unsaid.

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